Things were cool until folks got drunk.
I did not have fun tonight. My evening consisted of dealing with drunk old men. Pushy drunk old men who did not like that I would not dance with them.
Ed and I attended the Underground@PDC tonight. During the presentation portion of the evening, we socialized on the balcony and had some fun conversations. Since we didn’t move from the seats we were able to snag during this portion of the evening, my tiredness was hitting me hard. Eight o’clock, and I could not stop yawning. So goes the story of conferences and lack of sleep.
Then we moved inside where the dancing began shortly thereafter. At first I was excited. I love to jump around and dance. Which is nothing like Ed’s dancing as she actually knows what she’s doing. At the end of the first song, I remembered what’s it’s like to dance outside of Grace Hopper and at DePauw with kids I know. Absolutely no possibility of dancing by myself without having to fend guys off. I went back to where Ed was eating.
I am exhausted, so I’m going to try and cleanse myself of what I experienced as quickly as possible.
Ed loves to dance. She was doing all sorts of salsa moves, and every single guy around her at one point was blatantly staring. All I could think about was how awkwardly that translates into working together in a professional environment. Not exactly respect being communicated there.
Then there was the guy who was purposely being an ass. (He said such himself.) “You’re in marketing, right? You’re in sales, right?” When I first replied, “No way!” I thought then we’d move into what I actually do. No, he seriously didn’t believe I was legit. This is the first I have actually had to prove myself. I won that argument damn quickly to the point where he had nothing left to say.
This same guy (obviously) gets there are few women in tech but had a shrug your shoulders attitude about it. “There’s a lack, but I have no idea what’s wrong.” I spouted out the stuff about few girls who think tech is something for them and that mid-level women leave the field in droves while those with mentors and support tend to stay. He was drunk, so I saved my energy beyond that.
Next up was the guy my dad’s age who harassed both Ed and I. Ed and I had been hanging near a table, and this guy, after staring at Ed dance, sat down in the chair that was next to us. Ed left to grab a refill on her drink, and I was arm’s length away from this man. He put his arm around me and tried to pull me to him. I stopped that and said, “No.” His response? “I see, playing hard to get.”
Later on, after Ed and I moved elsewhere, another guy appeared that was now staring at me while I danced. I still feel disgusting from that. Specifically because it went on for such an extended period of time. Ed and I left for a while, and when we returned he wasn’t around. At this point, we chilled sitting down. This guy again appeared, and at first we actually had a conversation. He was from Illinois, we’re Indiana. Business, blah. Then it was on to him being too close, and not getting the hint after we moved away to dance.
Then there was yet another man older than my dad who somehow learned I was from Indiana who would not leave me alone when I said, “No, I am not interested in dancing with you.” His response? “Oh, I know how you Indiana girls are. You dance.” Okay then.
Finally, there was the guy that a woman shared with me she has never seen sober. He told me I needed to say yes more often. Thank you for your unsolicited advice.
Should have left when someone we knew at Geek Fest told us to get over there. At least there we knew non-creepy people.
So yeah, being a woman in technology is a joy.
Tags: conferences, feminism, PDC, PDC09, women in technology
It really upsets me when things like that happen. What happens to people’s professionalism when they go to conferences? They get a few drinks in them and think that some how the normal rules of common respect no longer apply?
Oh, yeah, drunken conference attendees can be such a pain. My favourite story was from an open source conference with some heavy drinking. Some drunken Russian dude thought it was perfectly okay to pick me up… as in physically lift me off the ground, with no warning, as we were walking down the street with a group of people! Not impressed.
@Alfred Thompson:
One guy could not understand why I don’t drink. That is why. That loss of control I cannot stand. The thing that got me the most is these guys were aware I am still in school, and therefore near none of their ages. It was unreal how this didn’t phase them.
@Terri:
Ironically, that actually happened to me last night as well. This was at the point where my only focus was getting back to my hotel, cause my backpack had been soaked with a drink and I was just done with the night. One of the guys left when we did and his hotel was the next block over from the party. He shook my hand goodbye, then picked me up and spun me round.
RT @OrganizeFISH: Here's what prompted that tweet: http://ow.ly/DDJi RT @creepyed There needs to be more women in technology. NOW. #ugpd …
Oh no! Your experience was truly the polar opposite of what GHC is like. Goes to show why GHC exists (well, one of many reasons). Sorry your evening ended up sucking like that.
@Gail:
It was crazy how different the whole thing is from GHC. I am so much more comfortable there since I don’t have to worry about ANY of this.
Ouch. I was totally joking about the “being in marketing and sales” bit, just trying to have a conversation with someone I didn’t know, and totally not trying to be an ass at all. I did believe what you did, but was feigning to be slightly sarcastic – but trying to be in good fun. I was trying to convey that there weren’t many young women developers, and actually got that from talking to the lady from Neudesic – because she was in sales and her counterpart was in marketing. I think you were taking me way too seriously as I was actually interested in what you had to say and was impressed with your ambition to work for MS after school.
Geez, I wasn’t looking for an argument, just trying to make some friends and hang out. I had a really good time, sorry for ruining your night…
@Will:
I was insulted.
You started our conversation by asking if I were in marketing. I said no. You moved on to sales. I said no. We are at a developers conference. That is not how I expect to start any conversations here. As you stated, we don’t know one another, so I don’t know your humor. You came off as though you were pushing it wasn’t possible for me to be in tech. You have to understand, it is tiring being mistaken otherwise. After the first few times, it loses its humor.
Once you stated that there are few women in the field, I understood you were being facetious. However, the persistence was insulting and that was what stuck.
I do have a lot more information on the lack of women and am open to continuing that discussion, if you are comfortable with that. On this note, I had a very interesting conversation this past school year on the fourth wave of feminism.
The idea behind the fourth wave is that the next step is for men to become the driving force in advocating for women’s equality. The first step for this wave is for men to understand how women are not treated equally. Once they see this and understand the issues, they can push for change. Otherwise, old practices that continue that lack of equlaity still exists, simply due to lack of knowledge.
I am glad you had a good time. Please understand it wasn’t your conversation specifically that ruined the evening; it was the culmination of the things I previously stated.
I am so glad I am now old and fat (and usually with my husband who is also tech) and can do what I want without getting hassled. I don’t really know what conference this is that you went to, but the more nerdy/geeky ones are much better I find. And if there are many marketing or sales people (unless you are their client) it’s going to suck as well, most likely. I’ve seen a few exceptions but come to think of it, they were still either vendors that we were clients of, or wanted to sell to us.
Back in the day it was much worse and I’d thought it was because it was different then. But it doesn’t appear so, it must just have been because I was young and “hot”.
@Susan Mellott:
Yeah, unfortunately my boyfriend is not into tech. Which is too bad as he’s about twice my size, so he makes a great barrier.
PDC stands for Professional Developers Conference, so really there weren’t too many marketers/sales/vendors at this party. The conference itself was no problem at all; it was just the party portion of this particular event.
Lol. In high school, I was the friend of the attractive girl. Definitely think the young part was a big part of it, since as far as I know, my friend and I were the only two females our age there.
Yeah, young women definitely stand out in these type parties (and conferences). And I think being techie is part of being hot at these. It is disconcerting since it seems that the techie part gets ignored and just translates into hot (IOW, people don’t really treat you particularly as a fellow tech, they just find it hot that you are).
I remember this young woman who started working in Support and was very technical (and pretty). All the guys thought she was hot and there was always a little flurry when she came around. My husband had some sort of dealings with her (she worked where he did for a while or something, I don’t remember) and he and all the other tech guys noticed her, including him (not in a ‘hit on’ way, but as someone that you definitely notice). Some combo of young and techie (and pretty but that is most young women) really turns techie guys on. And that is the bad part – it turns techie guys on which makes it hard to be treated as another tech person.