Growing up, I was always in the smart groups. I wasn’t the smart kid, but I was damn proud of my reading skills. I attended a Montessori elementary school, and I was in the group of kids reading the more advanced books. I remember there was few enough of us that we sat at a table rather than in the area where large groups gathered on the floor. In middle school, I was in a group of four kids in my 6th grade block class that was supposed to read more advanced books. One of them was The Hobbit, though as far as I remember, I never read it. Man, those were the days. My free time was spent reading and writing. I miss reading like that.
In middle school, as a 6th grader, I also was allowed in the 7+ math class, which was literally an 8th grade math class. I was so bored in my 6th grade math class. If I remember correctly, I wasn’t doing so hot close to when I got moved up. My parents will have to correct me, but I believe their reasoning was I was doing poorly, because of my boredom.
Maybe that’s true and obviously I handled the classes successfully enough to pass with good grades, but there are times where I think I was just…bored. The way the classes were taught was uninteresting to me. Once I hit calculus, my “ability” to do math was done. I just didn’t get it. In college, I flew by Computational Discrete Math course. That’s all about following algorithms and patterns; it was a breeze. Theory of Discrete Math? Big fail on me. And I took that f’ing class twice.
A week or so ago, someone tweeted a link to Millennial Marketing on whether or not Gen Y Suffers From Lack of Failure. (Are you sensing a theme here? Just be glad I made these things separate posts.)
Phase 2 stuck to me. “Kids that had been initially been praised for their smarts….were easily discouraged.” Is that me? This isn’t something I can cookie cutter fit myself into. (Cue bringing my mother into the discussion as she generally already knows these answers.)
I ran into issues with math, and I gave up figuring it out. That isn’t something I like. At some point in my life, I will break down and buy the Head First Algebra book, so I can actually learn Algebra. (My school system was silly and taught me “integrated math” where I had/have no clue specifically what algebra, geometry, etc were.) In the mean time, I just don’t think about it. I pursue what I’m “naturally” good at: programming.
Except there I can’t decide whether I’m moving away at a time I have experienced challenges or if I am exploring a new challenge. Truthfully, it’s a little of both. However, in accepting a job, I have accepted the new challenge for a long haul. To be honest, I am excited about the prospect of focusing on one “challenge” for a longer than three months engagement.
So, verdict still out on whether the points in this article fit me.
Tags: education, Millennials, raising kids
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Ashley’s Mom here. She got it right earlier in the blog – she was BORED at various points in middle and high school which were not Montessori schools. When she was bored, she didn’t apply herself and her grades tanked. Well, tanked in comparison to what she was capable of doing. Grades and standardized tests came easy to Ashley in her pre-college days, to the point I don’t believe she ever really learned to study.
I specifically remember not rescuing my eldest daughter – Ashley. In fact Ashley, do you remember that lovely middle school incident when an assignment was turned in what I believe was a day late (the teacher wasn’t there the day it was due and you had questions) and the highest grade you could get for the grading period was a C+ as a result. It didn’t matter that what you turned in was extremely detailed and others who turned theirs in on time yet incomplete were counted ‘on time’ and didn’t negatively effect their grade for the grading period. We did escalate that particular aspect because it didn’t not seem to be a very fair system; however, we (your father and I) stated that “yes, she was a day late – we are not arguing that ….” Gee, and they changed the whole process the following year addressing our concern – but it didn’t save Ashley’s grade, dropping her from the top 10 that year. Lesson learned for Ashley? I hope there were two: 1) The need to turn assignments (or other items with deadlines) in on time, as well as the fact 2) that life is not fair. Enough said on that topic.
The Montessori philosophy you experienced as part of your education from preschool through fifth grade is all about teaching students to be a self-learner (pursuit of what interests you beyond the required curriculum), independent, self-motivated, and accountable for self. Your schoolwork contracts outlined your to do’s for the given week or two, it was up to the student to manage their in-school and after-school time accordingly. That worked well for you as once you completed your contract for the given week, you could move onto topics that interested you – such as being an avid reader and writer. The Montessori Philosphy reminded parents that it was our job to step back and let you try. For example as a preschooler, we were not to rescue you if you were going to spill the milk when pouring your own glass for dinner. If we did step in, how would you learn? And… if you spilled the milk, you needed to clean up the mess. Homework assignments and you being responsible for getting them in on time were just another step on the journey of raising you.
Sorry this is so lengthy, but the negative labels attached to your generation just don’t seem to fit you or your sister (both over 18). Course, I’m technically a boomer, but sure can’t relate to many of the labels associated with boomers either – perhaps due to being at the very tail end of that time period. I think Ashley may re-think asking me to read and post in the future. Signing off,
Ashley’s Mom – Brenda
@Mom:
Hey, this way all my friends who get ridiculously long emails from me can see why.
Though, did you have to bring up the middle school/science fair incident? I still get mad about it. It was an application and other kids seriously turned it in with just their name and the name of their project on it. Ugh.
But, hey, I didn’t have to do the science fair that year! Hehe.
See! You know things I don’t realize! “…to the point I don’t believe she ever really learned to study.” Though, ouch. Damn it being true. I suppose that’s why I feel I learn more when it’s “on the job”. This is unfortunate as it makes for slow ramping up ahead of time.
Wow, that article describes my life PERFECTLY. I was always that kid who was told ‘Wow, you must be really smart!’ when I caught onto things very quickly and easily. It started with picking up piano on my own – ‘Wow, your kid must be really smart!’ and continued through everything – doing well on standardized tests wasn’t seen as like ‘wow, you worked really hard and read a lot’, it was ‘wow, you are really smart’. I thought of myself as the smart kid who got good grades and didn’t really have to work hard for it. Then whenever something came up that I didn’t get righ away, I would rather NOT do it than risk being bad at it – like multiplication, for example. Never learned those multiplication tables. I still can’t multiply simple numbers in my head… it’s so sad!
And now it’s biting me in the ass. The ass-biting started late in high school when I decided to take on more work and really couldn’t get by just on smarts. I needed to work harder and learn from mistakes, but I wasn’t used to making mistakes and was terrified of failing and nullifying my position as the smart kid. Then I got a lot of anxiety about ‘wow, maybe I’m not smart after all…’ which created some kind of downward spiral of low self-esteem in academics. Then of course not getting into college was a fatal blow. I don’t think I ever learned to really study, because most of the time things came easy, but in contrast to not studying, the prospect of failure is still unacceptable. It’s dumb.
On the other hand, I’ve never been naturally gifted at athletics. When I started out on the swim team I was in the slow, semi-retarded kid lane and was praised for my work ethic when I moved up. Same with running. Started out in the back of the pack and moved up. That created positive reinforcement for hard work, and I just kept getting better and better. I’ve never felt discouraged with a failure to reach a certain goal in running – just concerned about how I can tweak my training, eating, sleep habits, race strategy, etc. so that I can run faster in the next race. It’s so different.
Anyway – I really like that article! For real, I wish I had been work ethic praised as a kid.
@Liz:
Yes! Another person that writes a ton! I am so not alone in this world!
For serious on those multiplication tables. Time for a tip? Time to check my phone. And by phone, I mean the tip calculator. (My mom hangs her head in shame here.)
When I spoke to my mom about this post (prior to publishing it), she said they viewed it as, “Yeah, you’re smart. Now go work and do stuff with that.” (Not a direct quote. You know it’s a good thing I’m not a journalist.) I thought that was interesting.
I wish I had that different category like you do for athletics. I’m afraid I killed it for programming, since that was my major. I still work harder at the programming things I’m doing outside of class. But that could simply be I’m more interested in my pet projects than projects set by teachers.
Hmm. Now that I think about it, when I’m working out, I never feel like there’s this unattainable goal. It’s just something that if I continue to work at it, it’ll happen.
Now to figure out how to make up for this as an adult. I get so jealous of my sister sometimes. God, she works her butt off. I want that.
1. Hi Brenda!
2. I’m hanging my head in tip-calculator-shame too.
3. You are smart. And you are in the category of taking on the challenging (sometimes torturously so) next assignment. Let’s look at some examples: compilers (yay for being the only two girls in the class!) and networking. I think that’s enough examples for now.
@Ed:
Yeah, I do to an extent. Now ask me to return to those classes and topics.
Millennials and the Danger of Being Smart « OrganizeFISH http://tr.im/H7J8 (via @OrganizeFISH) #Brazen
@Shlea The point isn’t that you would return to those topics/challenges, even though it would probably easier a second time around, but that you decided to take the courses in the first place AND that you stuck with them for the whole semester. How many people dropped out of compilers in the first two weeks? NOT YOU. The idea isn’t that you would repeat the same challenges, but that you will take on new ones. Every situation is different, so it’s unlikely, as you get out into the real world, that you will be faced with two identical challenges. And now, based on your history of undertaking challenges, it is highly likely that you will continue to take on challenges and that you will continue to succeed.
@Ed:
I begrudgingly admit you have a point with me continuing to take on challenges/will continue to succeed. Which is good, since I’m pretty sure that was the point of your comment.
However, you have missed the point of my original post. You have focused on Phase 1 of the article, while I’m concerned with Phase 2. Phase 1 looks at whether children take on challenge; Phase 2 states children who were praised for their efforts wanted to figure out how to do better. So the idea is how MUCH challenge one chooses to take on, not new challenges or repeated challenges. When I said ask me to return, I meant continue in those areas. My concern isn’t whether I take on challenges, it’s whether I take that next step in those challenges.
That’s where I struggle. So I am smart. I don’t have to study to get acceptable grades. I have done well overall. Now what about taking that next step to truly excel in a particular area. Now, this isn’t something that keeps me up at night, but it is a question I find worth asking as I ponder what I want to be awesome at.
Finally, finishing what I’ve started. I think it’s interesting you brought that in. It does point to something I have been taught well. The Montessori Method stresses that once a child starts an activity, it is their responsibility to finish it. I remember when my kindergarten teacher first taught me that. My grade school teacher reinforced this, and my parents embraced this philosophy as well. For example, my brother started piano lessons. He was required to finish the set of lessons he had signed up for, and then he could make a decision about whether or not to continue. While this is something good, after steering the conversation back to whether I’m willing to figure out how to do better, I don’t think my need to finish something out is relevant to the issue.
Okay. Now that I’ve said my piece, I am really glad you point out that I’m willing to continue to take on challenges. That’s a good positive thing I have going for me. When I’m getting down on myself, feel free to smack me with that.
@Shlea: OK, thanks for the refresh! I’m super good at reading stuff and then forgetting that parts I want
As far as taking challenges to the next step, for you, I think it will have to do with passion. For the specific examples I provided (compilers and networking) you weren’t even in an environment to delve deeper into the subject and take on the next challenge. Plus, it’s extremely difficult to even find the next challenge when you aren’t absolutely and positively passionate about it! On the other hand, look what you were able to do with the Imagine Cup. Overall, once you find out what you are absolutely and positively passionate about and what you want to be completely awesome at, I don’t think you’ll have any trouble finding new challenges that will take you to the next level of knowledge.
I am happy to hear that I get to use physical violence as a method of positive reinforcement. Hahah!
@Ed:
Passion is a good point. I can confidently say, “When I’m working on things I am passionate about, I don’t think about it, I just do it.” I am still figuring out my perfect job. However, while passion may cover what I’ll ultimately be an expert on, it doesn’t cover my lack of motivation to do the things I find uninteresting but need to do. That’s what I need to work on.