Between being realistic about grief and being primed to expect more bad things to happen, I am wary to say I’m doing better. But last week was fairly solid. And this week I would even venture to state I felt almost back to normal.
I’ve been going to counseling since returning, and I am so glad I dove into that without even thinking not to. I hadn’t realized how much I had clammed up about my life until I had the dedicated time to talk about it.
It’s slightly fascinating looking back. At the end of second session, I fell to pieces. Not while I was sharing the stress of my uncle Rick needing a new heart. Nor while I shared striking Penny situations that I found in past personal writings since the funeral. But during what I meant to be a passing admission that I had needed to take a sick day not for a physical ailment, but because I was overwhelmed.
My counselor rightly told me to cut myself some slack.
Things have gotten easier. I’m closer to being back in that calm state where I can casually reference these things while to others this is BIG STUFF. To my family, it’s the (not even new) new normal.
It’s twistedly grounding to call home to receive a family drama update. It’s when I’m not plugged into the grapeline that I begin to lose my grip. Once I have exhausted the latest news, I can return to my life and tackle the less important things.
suxors. love you.
@Ed: At some point I’ll figure out how to share this stuff without it coming off as a totally downer subject. In my head, this was totally a positive post! Okay, okay. Exaggeration. But I’m dealing with this and that productiveness is also grounding. And now that I am apparently not falling over or floating away (or whatever the opposite of grounding would be), I’m feeling a lot better.