It never felt like its own thing.  The wretchedness of 2009 dragged on with Rick still in the hospital and just happened to become 2010 at some point.

Even the good was unusual.  My one semester on campus during senior year was disconnected from the rest of my college experience.  I spent junior year happily holed up in the CS House in a comfort zone I’d been in since shortly before the end of my first year.  But my core group had been demolished by transfers and graduations.  Instead, I finally hung with my awesome pep band people.  Weekly dinners, late nights, senior party party.

Summer was mixed.  Having my entire high school crew in town most the summer, starting my job (woot employment!).  Finding new people to hang with (that shit is exhausting), losing Sheila.

The year is ending at the beginning of what I want for 2011:  steady.  After the constant stream of unrest, all I’ve wanted is to just be.

The bass plays a vamp.  The drummer begins a reverse clave.  The piano comes in with the theme.  Slowly Horace moves into his solo, keeping his left hand vamp going throughout.

I’m sitting on the couch, with my new (functioning battery!) laptop in my lap, a thesaurus at my side.  Letting myself be immersed in the combo’s jam session.  Contemplating and writing.  No worry.  No stress.  Just being.

I love it.

reverb10 – One Word:
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)

Details on this project at www.reverb10.com.

As a rule, I only use one exclamation point except for random super excited texts to my boyfriend, sister, and Ed.

But that is how I feel about yoga.

Either sophomore or junior year of high school, I began attending classes with my friend Bethany.  She’s always been much better at it.  Began yoga on her own, doing yoga both outside of class and on a generally regular basis when not taking classes.  (Appropriately, she is in the process of being a yoga teacher.)

(That brought my brain to the awesome music ab-destroying classes as taught by my friend Liz, which led to thinking about pole dancing classes…but I’ll just leave that awkward tangent at that.)

I’m pretty sure I was hooked before my first class was complete.  I had a blast.  I’ve always been inflexible; it’s a family trait.  But learning how to move, push my body, and play around?  It was a done deal.

In high school, I took classes regularly enough to get to the point of being able to touch my toes.  At college, my attendance was a hit or miss.  I always started the semester off strong…

So, about a month ago, I finally went into the workout place that’s within walking distance of my apartment.  (One of the few that isn’t about hot yoga.  Too freaking many of those.)  The owner gave a free class, and I’ve been going weekly ever since!  Sunday early morning and Wednesdays super early.  Seriously, I get up before 7 AM for yoga.

This is probably going to come out very zen or something, but my favorite part of yoga is just being.  You push yourself, but not beyond your limits.  You’re cool with wherever you are at in your practice.

My favorite yoga buzz phrase of the moment is adjusting to the new normal.  I’m working on my posture, and it’s a matter of adjusting to the new normal.  These are both things that I want to apply outside class.  Slow but steady improvements, and less self-inflicted stress.

…which specifically, perhaps, I should apply to my sleep habits.  Hooray for sleep all day Sundays!

I have spent a lot of time in my head lately.

Unsurprisingly, I’ve run into many who just cannot comprehend this: I don’t have internet in my apartment. Willingly.

Despite this, I still spend a disgusting amount of time online doing nothing that feels productive for the number of hours logged. I have 24/7 access to internet in my apartment complex’s business center. And if I don’t want to be there, I can go to the library or work.

I have been very happy with my newly regular podcasts: The Rachel Maddow Show, various NPR feeds (Talk of the Nation, Fresh Air, education, story of the day), ABC World News with Diane Sawyer (and the guys that sub for her on a seemingly regular basis…I’m curious where she’s at during all those times), and This Week. I’m slowly accepting the label of liberal, but still trying to do it with a grain of salt. People aren’t Republicans or conservatives for no reason.

On the note of news, I do need to inject some source (preferably podcast) that gets me info about outside the US. During my first couple days at Microsoft, I had a convo in which I was the only person from the US (so cool!) where it was commented that they are less aware of what is going on in the world now that they live in the US. She said it is due to how localized the news is here compared to what is considered regular types of news to receive back home: think of your local newspaper.

There is a striking lack of African Americans at work. Just throwing that one out there.

On the other hand, I am surrounded by folks from other countries. Easy and quick example, each member of my team is from a different country: Brazil, India, the US, Egypt/Canada. (He spent his childhood in Egypt, then moved to Canada.)

Still of ton of white males. Just go up that leadership chain and senior independent contributors. Those are two topics that I attended sessions on at GHC and have notes that I’ll eventually get into blog posts. Interesting issues.

People keep asking me, and I haven’t been spouting it cause I guess I’m taking the stance that no news is good news, but I am really enjoying working for Microsoft. I am finding it fascinating figuring out how the seemingly endless moving parts have to work together to achieve one goal. I work in Office, and from the consumer’s perspective, you would never guess the effort behind the end product. There’s something like 4000 people working on Office. Crazy.

Needless to say, it was a hell of a lot easier to grasp everyone’s roles at the 30 employee company than at the 90,000 employee company.

Since it’s easier to work on such smaller terms, here’s my attempt at a translated example:

Imagine my team as a small company attempting to ship a product. We rely on products from other companies to successfully complete our job. However, since the other companies have separate end goals from us, we both have to work to compromise and convince one another why certain elements are needed.

Except at work, we’re all one company. With separate companies, profit can be used as leverage, but between teams at the same company, that isn’t an option. (Though, due to the sheer size at Microsoft, you do have the the option to work with other teams similar to the option of choosing a different company.) Challengingly, since on the outside you are viewed as this single company you are expected to be on the same page, but realistically that is not easy. It’s an interesting problem.

Things are just a bit jumbled up in my head. I have received a massive amount of information in my seven weeks of work. The never-ending firehouse as they describe it. Combine that with the hello adulthood. (Which I am totally okay with.) And put that all on top of everything my family life has gone through in the last five years.

It’s a lot to think about.

Okay, that isn’t a for sure statement.  Except, I really think it may be true.  (That wasn’t wishy washy at all, was it?)

I have been living at home since the middle of May.  I haven’t been home this long since leaving at the beginning of August 2006.  The time of my life I wish I could go back to?  The summer I lived in Indianapolis with my boyfriend Kenny and forever roommate Ed.

And I’m beginning to think it was because of my lack of internet.

Evidence A
The first bit of evidence here is in that time in my life I recall being perfectly content with my sleeping habits.  I have years of journals on how awful my sleeping habits are.  For a time in high school, I kept track of the time I would go to sleep and it was just embarrassing.  I still have this problem.  Currently, it is 3:26 AM.

Kenny is a morning person.  When he’s working out on a regular basis, he’s ready to pass out at 9 PM.  When he’s not working out on a regular basis, 11 PM is his latest “awake” time.  Once he’s tired, there’s no bouncing back.  I have given up on talking to him after this point as it’s like talking to a brick wall.  It’s very effective in defusing my energy after I have gotten over the tired hump and am in hyper mode.  Without the internet to keep me occupied, when he went to bed, I went to bed.  Plus there’s that whole cuddle factor, so it’s much more fun to go to sleep at the same time then after he’s passed out.

Evidence B
The other bit of evidence is the amount of free time I had.  I remember having a life outside of work.  In fact, what I remember more about that summer is my time outside of work, despite spending more hours at work.  There was biking (to work, from work, to the grocery, random distances), grilling, making dinner dates once a week with Kenny, time spent window shopping, time doing actual necessary shopping, time at the laundry mat, and occasional weekend visits home.

This summer, I felt like my time was packed and that I didn’t have time to leisurely do things like that outside of a good chunk of weekend lake trips.

Okay, I’ve been sitting on that sentence for a bit, and I believe family had more to do with this difference than internet.  In Indy, Kenny and I had no family; in Fort Wayne, our entire family is around and we were both living with our parents.  The lack of free time was because we were splitting it up between our houses and families.

However, I still feel that when Kenny and I are outside of Fort Wayne, I still would waste much time on the internet as I too often did when Kenny and I were hanging out by ourselves this summer.  I’d waste time and waste time, and then Kenny would be ready to sleep.  Then I would be mad at myself, because what I really wanted to do was hang and converse with him.  Plus, there’s that whole lack of sleep thing again since many times I’d ask him to stay up a bit longer after shutting my laptop.

Evidence C
Finally, I think I was at least a bit more productive having to plan my uses of the internet.  Having to rely on Panera and the library, I used the internet minimally.  Ed and I had some planning times at Panera for WiCS, there was the booking and registering for our first GHC (exciting times!), ordering books, and catching up on email.  Getting lost in my feeds?  Not really an option, since I hate spending a lot of money on minimal amounts of food, so I felt guilt about using Panera internet on the times where Ed just got a drink.

Verdict
So, when Kenny and I move out on our own together (which won’t occur until summer of 2011 at the earliest), I’m thinking about forgoing internet.  The only thing is (1) video chats with my family and (2) whether or not to get a smart phone with a data plan.  If I get a smart phone, I’m going to go all out and get an iPhone, Pre, Droid, or the like.  (Maybe. I did like the internet on my LG Dare.)  However, I can’t decide if that’ll be just as much of a time suck.  Pure lack of internet seems unwise with online bills and emergencies such as me not having my bosses phone number, but knowing her email and me being sick-o and needing to let her know that no way was I coming in.  (Ed’s phone saved me that night.)

Maybe just getting internet on my LG Dare or similar level of phone would do it.  Just a browser; no games or applications to suck up my time/isolate me when in a room with others.

PS – Ed was around these summers.  We spent many a weekend devoted to decompressing and marathon watching movies.  She also went salsa dancing.  A lot.  Which I still haven’t seen her do for real.  Someday.  Someday.